Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Lesson #3: Be Friends with girls, especially your coworkers

I have quite a few female coworkers; this is both a good thing and a  bad thing as I cannot date them because I have a strict no dating my coworkers rule (there will be a whole other post on this rule) but being friends with them is good.

These girls offer me great insight into the female mind and while they tease me like you would not imagine, I have found that I am able to test and lightly flirt with these girls to see what works and what does not work for the ladies other times.

Here is a list of things that I have learned so far:

1. Girls like a good smelling man. Every time I wear my special aftershave the ladies at work are all sniffing after me. Smelling good is almost more important than looking good. If a girl is smelling you she has to stand a little closer so just give them a whiff and they will be coming to you and you won't be coming to them. And that's how you want it.

2. Girls in large numbers are threatening. There are two times when girls in large groups are a good thing: 1) When you're famous and they are groupies/superfans 2) When you are trying to sell a bunch of Twilight tickets that you bought thinking it would be a vampire horror movie and not a vampire horrible movie. (that's another story for another time). Girls in large packs make it difficult to talk to the one you want to. You have to have a strategy for seeing a girl you want in a large pack and being able to pull her out of the pack. This is a difficult task because girls notice when their friends have disappeared.

3. Convincing them to sign up for an ESPN is impossible though they will always want to share in the glory. I signed up for this contest where I could win $10 million. $10 MILLION. In  real terms that looks like this: $10,000,000. That's a lot of dough. I tried to convince one of my coworkers to sign up and all she asked for was a $10,000 gift card if I won. Seriously?!? Girls just want the glory, with none of the work.

4. When your coworkers convince you to do a blog, do not give them editing privileges because they will put you as an author but you can never remove YOUR blog. This is a lesson I have been learning the hard way. They wanted me to write a blog but then I didn't want to put the effort in, so a coworker jumped in and created the blog. She even wrote a post for me and made it so another coworker (also a female) was the chief on my blog. Not cool. I should have put my foot down on that one, but alas it is too late.

5. Girls like helping. If I need some help with a project or something, my coworkers assist me. Sometimes I try to get them to do it for me but they always see through it. If I need a girl I just need to be a little helpless and billions of girls will rush over to help me.

Do this and you will have a girl and some friends from your female coworkers. Either way you are better off.

D-Pain Out!


  1. Dallin - You are so inspiring. I think everyone can learn something from your blog.

  2. DJP, I don't know how I stumbled up this epic blog, but boy am I glad I did. I'm a married man, but i think some of these points can help spice things up with the mrs. And by some of these things, I mean one of these things. Smelling.


  3. Interesting post I enjoyed reading it ♡

    PS: May I invite you to my huge birthday giveaway?

    Win 3 amazing prices with a total value of $650 on my blog: