Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Lesson #3: Be Friends with girls, especially your coworkers

I have quite a few female coworkers; this is both a good thing and a  bad thing as I cannot date them because I have a strict no dating my coworkers rule (there will be a whole other post on this rule) but being friends with them is good.

These girls offer me great insight into the female mind and while they tease me like you would not imagine, I have found that I am able to test and lightly flirt with these girls to see what works and what does not work for the ladies other times.

Here is a list of things that I have learned so far:

1. Girls like a good smelling man. Every time I wear my special aftershave the ladies at work are all sniffing after me. Smelling good is almost more important than looking good. If a girl is smelling you she has to stand a little closer so just give them a whiff and they will be coming to you and you won't be coming to them. And that's how you want it.

2. Girls in large numbers are threatening. There are two times when girls in large groups are a good thing: 1) When you're famous and they are groupies/superfans 2) When you are trying to sell a bunch of Twilight tickets that you bought thinking it would be a vampire horror movie and not a vampire horrible movie. (that's another story for another time). Girls in large packs make it difficult to talk to the one you want to. You have to have a strategy for seeing a girl you want in a large pack and being able to pull her out of the pack. This is a difficult task because girls notice when their friends have disappeared.

3. Convincing them to sign up for an ESPN is impossible though they will always want to share in the glory. I signed up for this contest where I could win $10 million. $10 MILLION. In  real terms that looks like this: $10,000,000. That's a lot of dough. I tried to convince one of my coworkers to sign up and all she asked for was a $10,000 gift card if I won. Seriously?!? Girls just want the glory, with none of the work.

4. When your coworkers convince you to do a blog, do not give them editing privileges because they will put you as an author but you can never remove YOUR blog. This is a lesson I have been learning the hard way. They wanted me to write a blog but then I didn't want to put the effort in, so a coworker jumped in and created the blog. She even wrote a post for me and made it so another coworker (also a female) was the chief on my blog. Not cool. I should have put my foot down on that one, but alas it is too late.

5. Girls like helping. If I need some help with a project or something, my coworkers assist me. Sometimes I try to get them to do it for me but they always see through it. If I need a girl I just need to be a little helpless and billions of girls will rush over to help me.

Do this and you will have a girl and some friends from your female coworkers. Either way you are better off.

D-Pain Out!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Lesson #2: Don't hang out with psycho's!

This blog post is for Emily, Jackie, and Audri.

The only reason I'm doing this is so that at work I can have a different conversation with these three girls, instead of........."Dallin did you blog?" I swear, girls, I have more to offer! But that is all they want from me - for me to post something on a blog that they made for me.

First, I don't blog. And second, I don't know why anyone would want to read anything about my life; I live a dull life. [sidenote from Emily: This is untrue. He's super funny and his life is cool.]

They all want to hear about one of the worst dates of my life so I'll explain it.......

Two years ago I worked in the Marketing department for Maverik gas stations.  I was down in Cedar City checking out the Maveriks with a buddy that I worked with.  While we were down there, he decided to call this girl that he dated back in high school.  He wanted to hook me up for the night - setting me up with one of her friends.

Well, I didn't really want to go on a "date," but hanging out would have been just fine.  The girl was pretty looking, but really not my type.  We all got together and decided to eat at Chili's.  Not to be rude, but I really didn't want to pay for the girl...that didn't happen.  I ended up paying for her and being okay with it.

We then headed over to Redbox to pick out a movie.  I don't remember what we picked out, but I remember heading back to the girls' place.  My buddy totally ditched me and left me with this girl I had just barely met like an hour earlier.  At first I was fine with it, but then it turned weird......as the movie was going the girl turned to me and said "Hey, are we going to cuddle or not?!" That part was awesome.  Who doesn't want a girl that takes a little bit of control?

During the movie she kept looking at me and saying that I was "super funny" and that she really liked me a lot....that kinda scared me.  Then she said that she could come up and visit me all the time because the girl my buddy left with is from my home town and she could just ride with her to hang out with me.....that scared me even more.  Then she said, "Look Dallin, what do you think about a long distant relationship?".....yeah I'm out!

The only problem was that my buddy stole the car, so I was stuck with the psycho girl.  I'm not going to lie, I thought about kissing her.  I know she wanted me to, but then I thought that if I did and then never called her.....she would probably hunt me down and kill me.  Things went from bad to worst. My buddy decided not to come back and pick me up until 5 in the morning!

So what did I do? .....I watched Sportscenter about 15 times with the girl as she just kept on talking and talking and scaring me even further away.  Nope.  Never kissed her!  And actually, for the first time.....I really didn't want to!

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Lesson #1: Be Confident in Who You Are

 To introduce myself, I am turning 25 this year which means I have almost a quarter century of experience wooing the ladies.  At work, I am considered the ladies man because of my ability to smooth talk anyone.

I am an excellent date but this isn't the site for me to post my personal information but I am willing to accept blind dates, so post them in the comments :)

I have several girls who I would like to date though none that I consider wife material. I am a man of honor and I respect those I am around and occasionally I like to cut lose and have a good time.

I play lacrosse and the rippling muscles on my back show ladies that I take my body seriously. I have many girls who feel my arms and then melt into my arms. They appreciate a man who knows how to work his body.

I want to be a dentist, because I have a smile that melts hearts and I want everyone to have the same opportunity as me.

I am confident in who I am. Be confident in who you are and the ladies will flock to you.

Ways to Increase Your Confidence in Dating:
1. Smile. The first way into her heart is into her mind. A smile will force her to look at you more.
2. Have a casual way to bring up things she enjoys doing. Ask her what her major is and then thoughtfully nod while she speaks. Girls enjoy being heard.
3. Know when to show 'em. Know when to fold 'em.  If a girl shows you no interest, walk away. If she starts to bad mouth you, run.
4. Talk yourself up. Let the girl know that you are a straight up kind of guy.

Do these things and you will never run out of confidence.

Lesson #1 Complete.